Death has Life

Grandpa Jim died
Died
3 o'clock this afternoon
Dunno why I grieve
I live far
from New York
Didn't know him well
As I could have
Yet I do
Even though he caused
Pain
I cry

Died
Cancer
Tumors
Too fast
To keep up
chemo just bought
Another day
Then it couldn't help
Couldn't buy more time
Lungs too full

I can't remember the last time I talked to him
Did I tell him I love him?
Did we share laughter?
I can't remember
Now he is gone
In another world
Happy?

Grandpa Jim
I want you to know
You are remembered
Loved
Forgiven

I stopped crying
I can't cry any more
I won't
Because I need to
Be
Live
Laugh
Dance
Discover a meaning
To live worth while

Thank you Grandpa Jim

Sunless Days

I am very thankful for the comments. Tonight I did Aaron's hair in braids and curlers. It was a lot of fun. Mom said to take the curlers and french braid out so his hair wouldn't look crazy tomorrow. Too late. We took them out and his hair went POOF! We are still laughing about it.
I think it is cool that my cousin and I have so much in common. I can't write about riding right now because it makes me sad. Due to being back in school, cross country, and the school play... I have not been able to ride for two months. I know school is important but I really miss the farm. It is dark when I leave for my day and dark by the time I come home from school. I also miss the sun.
I went to the temple last night. Afterwords my Mom took me to a party of her friends. It was filled with crazy people. Some guy sat on me and a girl lit herself on fire. Really... I am not making this up. I was nervous walking in and this girl runs up and says, "Hi, Do you want to see me set my leg on fire?" She got a lighter and pulled up her pant leg. She got mad because it didn't work so she disappeared upstairs to get another one. She got the flame going pretty high before the lady who owns the house took the lighter away and told her she is not allowed to burn her or the house down. Later on I was sitting on the couch watching Pride and Prejudice and this teen guy lands on top of me. He looked at my face and realized I was not who he thought I was and said, "Oh I don't know you well enough to harass you yet. Come back next week." We did NOT get home until 1:00 AM. My Mom goes from never leaving the house for 14 years to a party animal. I want to go to more parties with her and learn how to be like these people. They are kinda cool.
Mom is going to the midnight showing of "Twilight" on opening night with a bunch of these crazy ladies. She won't let me go.

My Violin Is Crap

Last Sunday I took the fingering tape off of my violin. I wanted to test myself because my orchestra teacher said I should find the notes by pitch, not tape. Then I worried, what if I forget where the notes are?
Today I took a playing test. She said that I played the right notes and said to bend my wrist more when I bow. She said I can sound better if I get a better violin. That means she thinks my violin is crap. I asked mom about this and she said," I'm not paying for a crappy violin. I am going to take you to the music store (where I rent my violin from). Have I ever told you about when I played a whole year on an Alto Sax with a cracked neck? It squeaked a lot and I was really embarrassed. I found out at the end of the year that it had a cracked neck. I am NOT going to let you have a crappy violin and get embarrassed like I did."
When we got to the music store the clerk said he didn't see a problem. "My teacher sees a problem," I persisted.
He then grunted and compared it to the other violins in the store. There was a huge difference in sound. "The sound post must be out of place," he said. He sent me home with a different violin.
Now I am sitting here trying to play this violin that sounds different and I can't find the stupid notes.

Looking Forward to a Wonderful Tomorow... Never mind.

I am worried because I missed school twice this week. I have a math test and a vocab test tomorrow I don't know what I am tested on since I wasn't there. Mom said I will do great but... I have some doubts. The director of the play is really giving me troubles and I don't get what I am doing wrong.

I wrote this poem for reflection. The theme is "WOW!" I was going to enter it along with some pressed flowers but they don't have a mixed media category. Remember that this is only a first draft and I wrote it late at night. It probably saved me embarrassment that I didn't enter it. Please try not to laugh.....

Little Wonders of the Earth

By Rian

My Daddy took me to a store,

A flower store.

Many flower sizes and shapes,

small pinks, yellows, and reds.

Big blues, purples,and whites.

I put one, two, three.

Four, five, six,

In a cart.

Daddy buys pretty flowers just for me.

How pretty they will be,

In that garden just for me.

I plant the flowers with my Daddy,

Aaron, Jonathan,

While Mommy watches us make a garden.

I go to bed thinking how wonderful it will be,

When the flowers grow as big as me.

Tomorrow I will check and see.

See, they did not grow as big as me,

They just bloom and bloom and bloom

Into outstanding colors just for you and me to see

Fall is coming, coming, here.

My garden gets brown like the leaves on the trees.

I go out and feel a chilled breeze,

I pick some flowers, my favorite ones.

I smash them between two pieces of cardboard,

Now here is some flowers that'll always be in full bloom.

Aren't they gorgeous?

With winter coming I still have my special garden,

For everyone to see,

The little wonders of the earth.

Did I fail poem writing or what? I am going to bed.

Braces, Singing and Dancing!

I got spacers in for my braces this morning. It hurts really bad and I was not able to eat my dinner because it hurts too much to chew. I asked my mom if Hitler put braces on people's teeth as a torment device. She said, "Um, hm." I don't know quite what she meant by that. She was probably asleep when she said that because she stayed up reading "Twilight" all night.
I went to my school's choir concert tonight. They dedicated "Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water" to the boy who died in a car accident that was in our school. A lot of my friends were performing at the choir concert. My favorite song they performed was done by the show choir and was called "Thriller." They had really good soloists and the dance was cool. My dad said "Thriller" was written by Michel Jackson, the guy whose nose is falling off. It would be funny if Michel Jackson's nose fell off in the middle of a concert.
I am probably going to the Halloween dance tomorrow. I hope I don't scare off too many people with my dancing!

I'm in the school play and my Mom is a lawbreaker

Guess what? I am Ms. Theodora Van Gough, the art teacher in "High School Inquirer." I can't believe I even got a part! The only thing that I don't like is that she has two guys fighting over her and it's just... well embarrassing. Plus I am the second shortest girl in the play and the boy teachers are 9th graders! Awkward!
This weekend was so fun going to Mesa Verde. Hiking around in Mesa Verde it was so interesting learning about how they lived. I wonder how much they had to be in shape to climb up and down sheer cliff faces with little hand and toe holes. The women were the farmers so they were the ones who mostly climbed up and down everyday. No wonder the life expectancy of their woman was 20 years.
On the way back home I had fallen asleep and I woke to a police officer talking to my mom. It scared me half to death waking up to a police officer in my face (I was asleep in the front passenger seat and he had come to that window). He only gave us a warning thank goodness.
My tooth is trying to come out and it really hurts.
I accidentally published this because I yanked at my tooth and not only did it come out, but my hand hit the mouse (thank goodness for the editing button). My very last baby tooth is now gone. Just in time for me to start the process of braces on Wednesday. GEESH!

Here's an Introduction

A couple things I like: dogs, horses, theatre, writing, reading, running, and violin. Yesterday I had auditions for the school comedy ''High School Inquirer." Hopefully I did okay. I felt absolutely ridiculous auditioning for a cheerleader. "Like oh my gosh" get a life people! Do cheerleaders really act like that? My dog is needing attention so I will blog later!